Battle Scars
by Otaku Raven
Summary: Brian and Justin reflect upon the hardships that they’ve endured due to their relationship. *REVISED*


Disclaimer – None of the characters in the following story belong to me. They belong to Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman and Showtime. I am getting no money for writing this and it is meant only as entertainment; an escape from the boring, trite, overly-heterosexual real world into the vibrant, extraordinary, fabulously homosexual, fictional Pittsburgh. 

Title – Battle Scars

Rating – R (language and, in case the name of the show didn't tip you off, slash)

Spoilers – Various scenes from season one and two.

Summary – Brian and Justin reflect upon the hardships that they've endured due to their relationship.

Battle Scars

To say that it had been a hell of a night would have been a drastic understatement. Ryder had given Brian an insane assignment that had put the executive in a positively horrendous mood. He'd come home to find Justin listening to a CD on the stereo and had roughly demanded that he shut it the hell off. When Justin responded by asking him what was wrong he'd told him that it was none of his fucking business. Justin had snapped back at him and soon a full-blown fight had evolved. Eventually, Brian had stormed off in the bathroom and into the shower and Justin left the dwelling all together to aimlessly walk around, as was his habit when he was stressed or needed to think. 

Almost two hours later, Justin sulked back to the loft to find Brian in bed lying on his side with his back to him. The young man doubted that he was asleep but he was certainly not going to test it. As much as Justin wanted their argument to be resolved, he vowed to himself that he would not be the one to bend this time. Always, it was he who submitted and ended up apologizing to Brian even when he knew that the source of the argument was not of his doing. Sighing, Justin did not bother to remove his clothes as he threw himself down on the sofa, his face pressed into the back cushions. He hated it when he and Brian would argue. There was nothing worse than having a fight with the one you love most in the world. Justin did love Brian more than the older man could possibly ever know and even though Brian had yet to let those three words pass his lips, he knew that Brian loved him as well. 

It was then that Justin heard a soft sigh emit from the bedroom followed by the faint rustle of sheets. The indistinct patter of Brian's feet caused Justin's eyes to open wider as he focused his senses on that sound. Suddenly, he was quite aware of Brian very close to him and slowly the tall man bent down, towering over him, and ran a hand through his blond strands.

"Come to bed," he whispered and the walked away and back into the bedroom.

After a few moments, Justin picked himself up and quietly made his way to where his love was now lying on his back. Brian's eyes followed him as Justin slowly removed his T-shirt and jeans and crawled into bed next to his fully naked lover. For a while, neither of them said anything. Brian's gaze went to the ceiling and Justin stood firmly on his ground, convinced that he would not give in. It seemed that Brian sensed this suddenly and he looked at Justin who returned his gaze with soft eyes. Brian's lips formed a little grin and he came closer to Justin until he was able to turn him over onto his side and cuddle up against his back. Exhaling slowly, Justin smiled as he felt a well-muscled arm around his waist pull him back closer to the warm body behind him. Then came the lips on his neck. Breaths of kisses. 

"I know," Justin said softly. "I'm sorry too."

Justin reached down and entwined his fingers within Brian's and pulled their hands up to his chest as he continued to speak. 

"Why do we fight? Why do we do this to ourselves?"

Brian's lips moved to kiss the skin between Justin's shoulder blades.

"Because make-up sex is so hot?"

As he spoke, Brian's hands went to the waistline of Justin's underwear. 

"I'm serious," Justin said, removing Brian's hand and rolling over to face him. "Why do we always do this?"

Brian slowly shrugged his shoulder and lightly pushed a strand of hair away from Justin's forehead. 

"Because it's us," he offered. "We're very different people."

Justin smiled in agreement.

"Yeah, but we should work on stopping it," he said. "One of these days it's going to kill me."

Brian leaned in and gently kissed his lips.

"Or completely tear us apart," the younger one added. 

Brian looked closely at him. Even though he still wouldn't say the dreaded "r" word, Justin knew they most certainly had a relationship together. Although neither one of them had yet admitted they loved each other, they both showed it in their own unique ways. 

"Nah," Brian sighed. "I think we've been through enough shit for any fight to do very much harm."

Justin giggled a little under his breath.

"Jesus, isn't that the truth," he commented.

Brian reached out with his right hand and carefully touched the lower left side of his bottom lip.

"I remember when you came to see me with a cut on your lip from where that asshole hit you."

Of course, Justin remembered that as well. Chris Hobbes had confronted him in the locker room about his newly acquired nipple ring and he'd violently shoved the smaller boy against the locker and struck him. 

"Yeah," Justin verified. "And I bruised my hand hitting him back."

Brian laughed and pulled Justin's right hand up to his mouth, kissing his knuckles.

"But it's all better now," Justin said with a smile.

Leaning in, Brian took Justin's bottom lip between both of his and ran his tongue over the spot where once the cut had been. When he pulled back, Justin sighed a little. 

"You know," he said. "If my memory serves me correctly, you had a little accident yourself that night."

Without another word, Justin pulled himself up and kissed Brian's right temple. Quite vividly Brian remembered stopping at a light after leaving "Studs N' Suds" and reaching to change the music. Without warning a car had slammed into the back of his jeep, throwing him into the steering wheel before the seat belt yanked him back against the seat. Blood had started to slip down the side of his face as the car once again rammed into him before it sped off into the empty night.

"God, my dad is such an asshole," Justin breathed against Brian's skin.

"I might have to agree with you on that," Brian said. "But at least he wasn't my father." 

Justin didn't say anything in response to that. He knew as well as anyone that Brian did not like to talk about his dad. Jack Kinney had been a cruel and narrow-minded man who had once told his own son that he should be dying because of who he is. After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Justin firmly placed both of his hands on Brian's shoulders and pushed him down on his back so that he hovered over him.

"He had no right to hurt you," he whispered. "Twice."

Finishing his statement, the blond slid down Brian's body and kissed both sides of his ribcage. Concentrating on the younger man's tongue that was outlining each individual bone, Brian's mind raced back to that night. After coming out of Babylon, Brian had pulled Justin against his body and kissed him warmly before ordering him into his temporary but nevertheless hideous company car. Before he could get into the driver's side however, he'd heard an angry voice calling him a pervert and turned just in time to see Craig Taylor's fist coming fast at his face. After finding himself on the ground he'd heard Justin's frantic voice as his father's foot repeatedly struck his ribcage. Brian had walked around for days with his right hand cradling the tender area. 

Justin kissed his way back up Brian's chest, passing over his collarbone and neck before locating the side of his face that had been hit. Brian's hand found its way under Justin's chin and he pulled him up so that he could look into his eyes.

"Yeah well, he had no right to hurt you either."

Brian's hand caressed Justin's right cheek where his father had slapped him after threatening to send him away to military school. Justin leaned into his touch before he bent down and kissed his mouth again. Brian parted Justin's lips with his tongue and kissed him deeper. In one smooth move he wrapped an arm around Justin's naked back and rolled on top of him. As he was about to move his lips down to caress the younger man's chest, he stopped and re-opened his eyes. When Justin noticed that Brian's attentions had ceased, he reached up and stroked the curve of his throat. 

"What's wrong?" He questioned.

Brian gave him a little sad smile as he brushed the hair away from the top right side of Justin's head and ran his fingers over the slight scar.

"This one," he began. "Is my fault. You wouldn't even have this if it weren't for me."

Justin looked closely at him for awhile. While he knew that Brian still harbored guilt for what happened to him, this was the first time that he had come right out and said it.

"You're right," Justin agreed. "I wouldn't have that scar because I'd be dead."

Brian averted his eyes and began to move off of him but Justin gripped his upper arms and held him above him. 

"I'm serious Brian," he said. "You saved my life . . . and gave me the most romantic moment in history. Once I remembered it anyway."

Even though he didn't want to, Brian smiled sadly at him. He knew that Justin never blamed him for the attack, but Brian could not convince himself that Chris Hobbes would have put Justin in a coma had he not seen him dancing with his thirty-year-old lover at St. James' prom. As he'd picked Justin off his feet and supported him against his body as he'd swung him around, Hobbes had no doubt been thinking about it. 

"Brian," Justin said, bringing the older man's attention back to him. "Do you believe me? It wasn't your fault, I've told you this before."

Justin's hand brushed the hair away that had fallen into Brian's warm eyes so that he could better gaze into them. Those placid, hazel orbs that filled him with a radiance he felt with no one else. Brian's eyes were almost an ironic feature. So wide-set and round. The eyes of a curious child. Innocent. However the rest of him was not nearly as virgin. Yet Brian was truly the most beautiful creature that Justin had ever seen and the hours he'd spent at his sketch pad had caused him to commit every glorious part of him to memory. 

His face, a unique oval covered in soft, flawless skin. Hair a deep brown that could fall into perfect place but was also very susceptible to "bed head", making it adorably mussed. Nose, like his chin, was long and sharp and perfectly chiseled. Lips that were quite possibly the most arousing thing about him forming a full and imploring mouth, especially the tender indentation of his upper lip. It was deadly, used as a weapon of exquisite torture on Justin on a nightly basis. Captive to those lips for what seemed like hours, Justin would shiver and moan for Brian to hurry before the anticipation killed him. Normally, the warm breath on his skin as Brian would lightly laugh was the only response he got. 

Brian's neck was also a very sensual part of him and Justin loved to run his tongue down that long, slender column and feel the vibrations in his lover's throat as he would kiss it. His chest was ideally sculpted and naturally smooth. Seemingly aimlessly, the young man's hands would roam over it, occasionally pausing to tease a nipple before his hands continued downward until they found what they wanted. 

When Brian slightly nodded his head, Justin quickly pushed himself up and Brian back down so that he could lie on top of him again. The older man tangled his fingers in the blond locks as Justin once again moved down his body. Brian moaned as he felt Justin's breath on his growing arousal and soon after felt the teenager slowly engulf him. Leaning back into the sheets, Brian did not attempt to silence his little moans as he felt Justin's mouth sliding up and down the hard length of him, teasing the tip with his tongue as he did. Justin's hands slid up Brian's body and began to stroke his stomach and hips as his lover slowly undulated beneath him. When Justin knew that Brian was close to reaching his peak, he pulled away and immediately heard Brian's disappointed groan. 

"Oh, you fuckin' tease," he said as he smiled and reached down to take hold of the small man's shoulders and pushed back, falling on top of him so that they were lying backwards on the bed. 

Pushing Justin flat on his back, Brian kissed him roughly and then tenderly. As he alternated between the force of his kisses, his hands traveled south and slid Justin's underwear down his slender hips and legs, throwing them to the floor. Justin's heart was racing, as it always did, when he felt Brian slowly turning him to his side, manipulating his naked skin with tapered fingers. There were times when he was amazed that he didn't simply melt into a puddle under those skilled hands. 

"Brian . . ." Justin moaned as he felt Brian's weight on his back, pressing him into the mattress. Quickly, Brian pulled away from him to retrieve a condom and a small tube from the box on the nightstand. Instantly, Justin missed his touch but the knowledge of what he was preparing to do only heightened his arousal. Brian tore the wrapper open and slid the sheath on himself before he reached for the tube. Squeezing an adequate amount from the bottle, Brian leaned over Justin's back and breathed into his ear as his fingers slowly probed inside, coating him. Justin gasped and with his hand reached back for his occupied lover, clutching the side of his neck and bringing his mouth to him for a kiss. 

When Brian pulled back, he locked eyes with Justin and after a moment thrust himself into him. The little flash of pain was quickly overpowered by the pleasure and Justin moaned as he pushed himself back against him, supporting himself on his knees. As Brian commenced their familiar rhythm, his hand slithered down Justin's right arm until he could take the youth's hand in his own. Tightly, Justin wound his delicate fingers around Brian's stronger ones and closed his eyes to the euphoria running through his body. The feel of Brian's breath on the back of his neck was enough to send him over the edge and he soon felt his lips also. Justin loved it when Brian would kiss the nape of his neck and back as they made love and Brian knew this as well. He worshipped the noises that poured out of the teenager when his mouth would settle between his shoulder blades, occasionally nibbling the skin lightly.

As their motion became more frantic, Brian kissed Justin's cheek and the blond soon responded by turning his head so that their lips could once again make contact. Brian continued kissing him until he felt himself on the verge of orgasm. With everything he had, he ordered his body to wait, to hold on until he was sure that Justin would finish as well. Brian rested his ear against Justin's back and listened to his accelerating heartbeat as his free hand reached under to clasp his lover's throbbing erection. Justin almost yelled out and as he felt Brian's nimble hand stroking him, persuading his body to hurry. As Justin felt himself gathering for liberation, he moaned Brian's name again. The older man removed his hand and placed it beside Justin's head on the mattress in order to give himself better leverage as he started thrusting in earnest. 

A few moments later he heard a loud and exhausted groan escape from Justin's throat and Brian allowed himself release as well. Collapsing on top of him, Brian breathed deeply and rested his cheek against Justin's skin, which was slick with sweat. Breathing heavily, Justin turned his head to the side, and pulled Brian's hand, which was still entwined within his own, to his mouth. Brian licked his lips and placed a long kiss on Justin's back before he withdrew and pulled away. As he removed the condom and tossed it in the wastebasket, Brian heard Justin moving beside him. As Brian fell back into the sheets he looked over to see the young man lying next to him, gazing at him with adorable, questioning eyes.

Brian sarcastically rolled his eyes and then beckoned with his pointer finger for Justin to come closer. Grinning, Justin slid over to Brian's welcoming arms. It was rare when Brian would cuddle with him so soon after they'd made love. That isn't to say that it never happened. Many times Justin would wake in the middle of the night to find Brian's warm body snuggled against his with his arms loosely around him. However, whenever his stubborn lover was willing to hold him, Justin took full advantage of it.

Justin wrapped one arm up and around Brian's neck while he rested his ear against the beating of his heart. A long, smooth arm slid around Justin's back and a pair of perfect lips kissed his forehead. At the moment, Justin could feel what at times he wished with all his heart that Brian would admit. But, when Brian would hold him like that, words weren't really needed. After all, Justin had seen Brian with other men before. No affection was involved. It was strictly business. With him though, the older man's lips and hands were all over him. In the street, Brian had held his hand tightly as Justin struggled with his painful inner conflict. Outside Woody's he had danced with him at his first Pride. Hell, the man had come to his prom.

Justin smiled to himself as he snuggled closer and kissed his chest that still contained a rapidly beating heart. Unable to stop with just one kiss however, Justin's lips soon trailed upward to his sternum and then collarbone before he began leaving haphazard kisses on Brian's jaw line. He heard his love sigh softly.

"You know, regardless of how I present myself I am not a machine," he said. "Give me a minute will ya?" 

The blond giggled against him.

"Relax," Justin responded. "I don't want to fuck again."

"Well now you're making it a challenge," Brian said with a sly grin as his hands travailed down Justin's back. "And you know I can't leave a challenge unanswered." 

Brian leaned in a kissed Justin's mouth as he pushed him back down on his back.

"No, no, no," Justin said.

It took more strength and resolve than Justin knew he had to push Brian away until he fell on his side next to him. Once again, Justin moved close to him and rested their foreheads together. 

"This is nice," he said with a smile.

Brian rolled his eyes again but rested his hand against Justin's cheek.

"You know you can't get enough of me."

"Maybe," Justin admitted. "But it takes two you know."

"Well if you weren't always throwing yourself at me . . ."

Justin laughed and playfully swatted Brian's chest with the back of his hand before he slid down a little so that the top of his head was under Brian's chin. Sluggishly, Brian ran his hands up and down the boy's back as Justin closed his eyes and already began to feel himself slip away. Brian remained awake and concentrated on the feel of the smooth skin under his fingertips. Then slowly, he pulled slightly away so that he could look into Justin's sleeping face. It was a guilty pleasure that Brian allowed himself whenever the opportunity arose. His eyes focused on his features, which were utterly calm. Justin's mouth was slightly open as he breathed with a steady rhythm. Occasionally, the teenager's eyelids would flutter indicating that he was already far away in a dream. 

That was something that Brian had noticed from the beginning. Justin's mind was always active and he often began to dream as soon as his precious head hit the pillow. Another thing he'd notice however was that no matter how long he'd been soundly asleep, whenever Brian would attempt to get out of bed, Justin's arms would tighten around him in a subconscious effort to keep him there; a fact Brian secretly adored.

Brian softly kissed the sleeping mouth and smiled in quite adoration as Justin responded sleepily. Leaning in, the older man whispered something in his ear and then laid back, pulling the small man to his chest. After a moment, he felt Justin's delicate fingers clasp around his wrist.

"I know," he whispered in a slumberous voice. "Me too." 

****

The End


End file.
